That Pretty Little Box
by Hippo-chan
Summary: And to think he trusted him with it. LxLight references. Dark. Angsty.
1. His Box

"L... I... I'm not... m'not..." Too weak from starvation and pain to coax anything more from his parched throat, he dropped his head of soiled auburn locks, his thin arms straining fruitlessly against their restraints on the wall. He was preparing for the blows he was to receive as they 'interrogated' him. All they did was ask him if he was Kira, and beat the shit out of him when he denied it.

He had almost just accepted it as the way it would be until about a month ago. L had come in personally, instead of watching his sessions through a camera. _And he just stood there. He had _begged _the man to help him. And he just stood there. _It had hurt Light more than what he cared to admit, that they had fallen so... far... so far, from happiness.

And as the interrogator beat down harder he began to weep. Not because of the physical pain, no, but from a striking realisation. Was L as happy as he himself was at the time? Or... had Light been used, through sex and love and heartbreak... just for it all to have been _fake_? Was he a fool to love someone enough to give them his heart, in a perfect little box?

"L, did... did you... _ever _love me?" Only a weak, broken whisper intermingled with cries and whimpers of pain. And without hesitation he received his answer,

"No, Yagami-kun, I have never loved you."

Yes, yes, he was a fool, for his love had just thrown that pretty little box out the window and it's contents in the trash.

****

-A/N-

Poor Light-kun. He lost his little box...


	2. And Counting

Seven months. Seven months. _Seven months._

He couldn't make it stop. He knew _why _he couldn't make it stop. And that was worse than it not stopping.

It had been _seven months _since L had told him... _had told him he didn't love him._ For seven months, his words, void of all life and emotion, had been playing in his head like a broken record. And for seven months, his mind rolled in turmoil, remembering everything that had once been something.

No. No, it had never been something, had it? Never something, no, just... _nothing._ And again, knowing made it worse.

_"Light-kun," _

_"Yes L?" It took him all he could not to giggle. It wasn't fair; L knew just where he was ticklish._

_Noticing that L had stopped mauling his neck, he looked up at the detective._

_"L?" He was handcuffing him... why was he handcuffing him? He, he was innocent... they had proved he was innocent._

_"I am regretful to break it to you Light-kun," he wasn't regretful. No, his voice was the same drab monotone, not even a flicker of emotion present in those dark ebony eyes. "but you have been found guilty as Kira." _

_"L, you're joking, right? I.. I'm not Kira! I thought I was cleared!" And as they dragged him away... he hadn't wanted anything more than to believe it was a cruel joke._

The door to his cell had opened, but he was too engulfed in painful memories to realise another presence join him.

_At first he was just held in a cell while they asked him questions about how he killed them, why he killed, why he wasn't just confessing to being Kira. He was too confused- no. He hadn't been confused, he was perfectly clear with what had happened. __**That **__was why he couldn't even _focus.

_Had he really, did L really do this to him? Cuff him and lock him up in a cell? But no, that wasn't even the worst part. The detective didn't even __**care **__that he had locked him up in a cell. He didn't care at all. _That _hurt._

The other man in the room moved towards Light. He still didn't notice, not until thin fingers lifted his head up and dark ebony eyes bore into his own.

_Seven months. _

"Yagami-kun, would you like to know the date?"

He didn't answer- _couldn't _answer, for not only was his throat raw and burning, but the saccharine sweet question was mocking in the worst of ways.

"It is the first, Yagami-kun."

It hit, harsh and uncaring. His tattered mind quickly working to change it's patterns.

And seven months turned to eight.

**-A/N-**

**It just doesn't stop for poor Light-kun does it?**

**If anyone wants I might continue. If not I think it's safe to say I can end it here. :D**


	3. With The Rain

It was raining. _Drip Drip Drip._

And with the rain came questions unwanted.

How did this ever happen? He knew how. He had _made _it happen.

But, why did it continue? And he knew that one too. But he wasn't going to readily admit to it, no, not by a long shot. Because that, a small, innocent answer, invoked so many wrong decisions, so many horrible thoughts, so many things that were _human_, and L was not human. No, L was a machine, and Lawliet, Lawliet was the ever humble servant to L's wishes.

Yet, still, when he saw the boy, beaten and broken, Lawliet fought against L, desperately trying to get through. _But to get through and do what? _And yes, even that one, L had an answer for. He had felt for the boy. He _still _felt for him. He loved and pitied and hated everything that encompassed this boy.

Only, _L _could not let any of it show.

_L _was above it all. And he made sure that the damn boy knew it. For in every aspect and every crime, this boy was guilty. On top of everything Kira -_Light- _had done, he had stolen something more precious than life itself from L.

He had stolen his _capability, _by stealing his heart, L had lost the very part of him that loved, that cared, that mourned. _He had lost his very self. _What made him truly L.

Now, now he was just another dot on the ever growing canvass of life. He did not feel, and that, that was maybe the only part of his loss that he could be without. For if he could feel, just the tiniest bit, he would surely be devastated.

He had as good as well _killed _the boy in the cell. No, he _had _killed him, hadn't he? No longer did his eyes flash with emotion, no, that was long gone, had disappeared so very _long _ago.

And that, he realised, brought up the question of how long this boy had been dead. How long L had decided to keep him alive, just for sick amusement.

But no, he was not alive only because he sated L's boredom. No, he didn't even do that anymore, did he?

No, he was alive because L _feared _losing him. He did not want the spell the boy had over his heart to disappear, to leave him weak, and vulnerable, and so very _human._ He did not want to mourn the loss of Light, and to avoid that, was to keep him alive, to keep the spell cast, and ultimately, kill the poor boy himself.

And that harsh thought hit, and it _hurt. _It burned with wild abandon through L's memories, of times once happier, through all of L's current thoughts, devouring any solid thought from his head.

In it's wake, L could feel himself breaking. Falling apart into tinier, harder to find pieces, hoping that after it all, he would not kill himself for what he had invoked. For the death of the once vibrant young man in such harshest of ways would surely send him to Hell.

And so he hoped. He _felt, _and that only worried him further. He mourned, and what very little of himself was left, quietly agreed to the silent testimony slowly burning through his mind once again.

He would save the boy. And if he could not bring the boy back to life, he would take himself into the realm of those no longer existing and hope that for all his years in Hell, that the boy would forgive him.

As the rain poured harder, tears of pain and anguish, long overdue, fell with it.

And he was finally mourning.

-**A/N-**

**Ah, finally a look into L's mind, eh? Not too pretty... but at least he's resolved. :D**

**I am now, totally safe to say this, I am continuing this fic to wherever it takes me. **

**And that, is only thanks to my very wonderful reviewers! :D **


	4. Even Still

His eyes were dead.

He _knew _his eyes were dead. Because _surely, _if _he _was as good as dead, then his eyes would very much portray that. He could vaguely remember someone telling him his eyes were his greatest weakness, that they would hide nothing. _And they didn't._

But that was long ago, most definitely _very _long ago. For the only thing he could really very clearly remember was _pain, _which surely means whatever happened before the pain started happened a _long, long time ago._

It was like a fairytale, wasn't it? _A long, long time ago..._ and it _was _like a fairytale back then, wasn't it? He couldn't exactly remember why, only that he was _happy, _and in a fairytale, isn't everything _happy _in the end?

He wasn't even too sure of that anymore. Because if he _was_ in a fairytale, why hadn't it ended with him being happy? Why was he in so much agony right now? Why did it _hurt, _why was he _dead, _why couldn't he _remember_ his fairytale?!

Couldn't he at least _remember _something? Anything other than this...

And with him so lost in his inner turmoil, he failed to notice the world, and the plan it had set in motion.

He failed to notice as he was tenderly released from his bonds, the _chains _that had inched their way deep into his skin, making him bleed and hurt even _more._

And the feeling of the cold, hard metal, being pulled ever so slightly, from his body woke him from his daze.

And when he saw who - no, _what _(Because surely, only a monster could kill someone like this,) - was releasing him from his horrible entrapment, he wished he had never been awakened.

It was _L. L _was _releasing _him.

And he panicked. But he _couldn't _panic, at least not vocally. No, what wasn't torn to pieces in his throat was parched and still. He wasn't _able _to voice his troubles, his pain, his confusion, no, that had been _taken _from him, along with his _security, _his _mentality, _his _**life**_.

With that, he suddenly remembered just how _dead_ he was inside. How utterly _gone _everything he had was.

And it was the _monster, _the horrible _beast _in front of him that had taken it from him. Had taken _everything _from him.

Even still, as he was pulled from his bindings, held, with utmost care to his battered body, and carried from his personal Hell,

His eyes were dead.


	5. Not a chapter! Sorry!

I apologize so very much!

Really, I can't believe all of the wonderful reviews I got! I feel so bad! Recently I've only been able to get on for very limited amounts of time. This is due to the fact I no longer have internet. (The withdrawal is killer. Seriously. It hurts like a bitch.) Hopefully I will be getting it back sometime within the next... three months? Really, if it were up to me, I would still have internet. But, seeing as how I'm not legal (Seriously yo. It's like trying to give birth to God. Ain't that a fucker? :D) I have no say in when what bills get paid on which dates. And if anyone's noticed, I tend to swear. Profusely. Especially when I'm pissed. Like right now. I also apologize to any of my readers or passerbys if what I say here offends you. Totally not intentional. Sorta. ;D I'm so glad I have hkk0rz as friends. That's the only way I can get on here now, aside from my cousins'. My school has a royal dick permanently shoved up it's ass. They block _everything._

I really do apologize so much. If this rant cleared up any of your questions, I'm glad. Again, I am soo fucking sorry for all of this.

Toodles. :D


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